Spiritual Pal

If you are a vegetarian, and have to dine/party with non-vegetarians, you know what question you are going to face. Many a times someone ends up asking “why are you a vegetarian?”. How should you deal with them? What should you answer? A friend of mine asked me the following question:

Hi Sam, you know I am a vegetarian and right now in U.K. All my colleagues in my project are non-vegetarian. Obviously, I become the odd man out in all occasions. But I don’t have any regrets for that. What principles I have inherited from my family, I am proud of them. But recently, a group of colleagues have started targeting me for this. During lunch sessions, they ask me questions like “we kill animals, and you kill plants”, etc, and keep questioning my principles.I don’t initiate the discussion(they do it for there on pleasure), I don’t have to give any arguments to them (because they won’t understand) and more over I know that there is no means to do any mindless arguments with people who are not ready to respect an individual’s principle.The only thing is they make me feel embarrassed at certain occasions and this is what I am concerned about.Right now I try to avoid there company but this has made me an isolated lot. Could you please tell me how I could deal with situation? I will really appreciate that.

 

Depending on the mood in which the question is being asked, there can be different ways to deal with the situation. This is not just a logical game, but a psychological one as well. So it is important to identify why they are asking these questions:

Is it

• Because they want to fight the feelings of guilt for being non-vegetarians?
• Because they want to derive some fun out of making you unable to answer their questions?
• Or because they are genuinely curious?

Remember that when we are dealing with people, no matter how logical they be, we are actually dealing with creatures of ego and emotions. If we want, we can gather informations available on the internet and be ready to defeat people logically. That may help us win the debate, but can lead to ego clashes, and losing our friends. Even the its mentioned in the scriptures that “whatever you speak, should be truthful, helpful, and pleasant to hear”. So we need to speak the truth in a pleasant manner.

But how?

I am myself a vegetarian, and I have dealt with such questions many times in many different ways. Let me share a sample discussion I had:

XYZ: Sam, what is the logic of being a vegetarian? I am killing an animal, and you are killing plants. What does your religion say about it?

Sam: Well, the vedic scriptures say exactly the same thing that you are saying. They say “jivo jivasya jivanam“, meaning “life sustains on life”. That means we can’t survive without killing other living beings.

{See, although I spoke a truth, my first response was such that it made him feel comfortable about himself. By that he became less defensive and more interested in what i am going to say}

XYZ: Then why do they criticize meat eating?

Sam: Actually they say that “meat eating, intoxication, and sexual intercourse are the natural tendencies of human being. If one is doing his prescribed duties, then there is no sin in engaging in those activities. Of course there are some regulative rules prescribed there to be followed by those who want to eat meat. But it is also said that there are great benefits of restraining oneself from these natural tendencies.

XYZ: Then is it wrong to eat meat? Why don’t you eat meat then?

Sam: It may not be wrong for you, but it would be wrong for me. {he was confused}. Ok let me explain.. A few years back, I was preparing for an entrance exam. That time my other friends were playing, but I restrained myself not to play. There was a reason behind that. My goals and objectives demanded that I restrain myself. So I did. But my other friends, they had no such goal. So it was not wrong for them to play.

Similarly, I have some spiritual goals in my life. Those goals demand that I be a vegetarian. Vegetarian food is considered to be “saatwik”, which is conducive to develop the subtle spiritual faculty. I can feel the difference after I have given up meat eating. But if you don’t have any such goal in your life, what is the use of artificially imposing those restrains on yourself.

{I defended my being a vegetarian, without making him feel bad about his being a non-vegetarian. }

XYZ: Hmm.. this logic seems consistent. I will also give up meat eating when I get in to all those spiritual stuffs. But this is not the right time bro.. there is lot of time. We should do it when we become old.

Sam: I am no one to tell you when to start it. I enjoy it now, so I am doing it now. Moreover, if you can garuntee me that I won’t die before I get old, I will give it up now.

XYZ: Ok ok.. I can understand. Its a call from within, right? I haven’t got it bro

Sam: Don’t worry Your time will come soon

{The discussion ended with smiles. Now he respects me for my principle, and we are comfortable as friends.}

The above was a discussion with a person who had the patience to hear. That won’t work always. Here is another example. This time, ABC is someone whom I knew for a long time, and I was confident logic won’t hurt him. Here is how the discussion went by:

ABC: Why don’t you eat chicken?

Sam: Why don’t you eat human beings? Aborted fetus, etc, huh?

ABC: Aborted fetus? Yawaaa.. You don’t see any difference between humans and chickens?

Sam: You don’t see any difference between a chicken and a plant?

ABC: Ok ok.. now let me eat my dinner please..

And I did not have to answer any of his questions. Who ever said, “attack is the safest form of defense” said it right!

People usually don’t force you to take meat, but I don’t even drink tea/coffee, and people can literally force us for a cup with them. If you are like me, or you are in a situation where you are being forced to eat/do something against your principles, this example may help:

PQR: Hey Sam, wana have a cup of tea?

Sam: No dude, I don’t drink tea.

PQR: Coffey?

Sam: Sorry dude, thanks for the offer anyawy?

PQR: Man, whats wrong with tea? Come..oon, for my sake at least, have just one cup. Please..

Sam: …

PQR: Hey, can I know the reason?

Sam: Well, there are three reasons: 1) I don’t like it. 2) I don’t feel the need. 3) And most importantly, I have promised someone I really love(my spiritual guide) that I won’t take it. I certainly love your company, but I hope you understand me, and won’t force me again. Will you?

PQR: Ok bro, you are being spared because of the third reason.

Sam: Thanks

PQR was trying to force me emotionally. I used the same tool to safeguard myself, that too without letting him feel bad about anything.

Anyways, every time the situation will be different, and things have to be dealt with accordingly. However, I hope these examples were of some help to help you think of appropriate ways to safeguard your principles without getting embarrassed or hurting anyone’s feelings. Please share your stories in the comments.. would love to hear about them.